IN COLOR twenty-one: miscellaneous thoughts

3:04 and i'm making all the real life adult decisions that mom'd def be proud of if she only fucking knew. smoked a bowl played ps3 watched porn while texting a girl i wanna make a porn with. what really tops it all off is the half carton of butterfinger ice cream i had for dinner. that was after ps3 but before the porn. i've been thinking a lot lately. not about any of the above but i guess about the way i used to see things vs how i now see things. like... when i was younger i thought that if people could be black and brown and white then maybe they could be fuschia and lime green and midnight blue too. i used to people watch really hard at restaurants to see if maybe people had starlight skin under their out in public skin. and i'd sit on our porch and i'd draw people i was sure i'd see one of these days. it's that i've been thinking about lately. the naivety of it, yeah, but especially all the things i thought could be true. like if that person with starlight skin could look at a person with panda skin and say wow you're beautiful and they could talk for an hour about where they've come from and where they're going.

more and more ive been thinking about how maybe i want to do something with that thought. and with final senior projects not that far away i don't think it'll be just some little clip that i upload to tumblr and pray for people to see. i want in depth. i want to write a script. i want a fairy tale remixed where a princess challenges rules forged hundreds of years before. where there are slate gray masks and a big reveal at the end or. i don't know.

the thing is i get impatient sometimes. with maybe how much i still don't understand and want to figure out better. with how complacent a friend or a friend of a friend can be about something that's not really right but's been going on so long nobody thinks to correct it. what a big problem. litote of the year. and yet i want to throw my voice out there to drown in the wind or be carried by it go figure. the magnitude..... if that's even right yea. the magnitude. that's not gonna stop me. i wanna say things like important things about where i come up and what's made me the joey i am and how sometimes it takes a village but sometimes it takes two. and i want the bigger message too what a clusterfuck but somehow i can make it happen. and so i never forget**

use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love
(some guy whose name i don't remember who definitely said these words before i wrote them down)

i, joseph cooler than cool hotter than fire barnes, pledge to make something of this vision one day even if i turn to a life of producing crap reality shows on vh1. i will remember where i came from and where i'm going. i will remember truth and love. i will be the artist i know i am and i will paint my stories the best way i can.

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