"i'm a mess" ed sheeran 15 of 20 Love or lust at first sight the beginning is a sweet one. In private, when the baking heat of crowded houseparties is reduced to cool February air they walk nudging shoulder to shoulder. Their first kiss as delicate as melting ice crystals, he wishes for it to linger. Their last kiss an underground fire, quaking with flames that lick against hot mineral and lashes with jagged cut of rock, he wishes for it to linger. She says: "I can't do it anymore. You're such a dick. You act like this is the end of your world but it's not. You know what I wish? That you'd pull your head out and stop acting like such a fucking brat." He says: "Maybe if you'd stop hovering all the time I would. I can't even breathe around you any more." Detonation sequence initiated. Implosion rather than explosion. The last of their fuses shorted out the tension remains high and tangible, thick enough to clot the veins and pack the ears with cotton but there is no yelling. Instead short quick work is made of tumbling toiletries from bathroom shelves and dislodging thin fabric from closet hangers. He pretends not to hear her tread around the apartment space. What he wants is to apologize for the push. To take back the aggravation. He wishes he could present his fears and anxieties, timid things that they are, and place them in front of her for reviews. He wants to ask whether the Realness of all this scares her. If playing house will become making house. If she thinks he's good enough for her. If she thinks him worth it. Defiantly, he refuses to hobble after her on his crutches. He glues his eyes on the television set. He swallows the quick pounding of his heart and forces his racing pulse to subterranean levels, electing not to feel. To pretend not to feel. And still the final act cuts the deepest. The bite of an apartment key thudding home into his chest, scraping on the way down before clattering over an XBox controller. With a muffled thump it hits the carpet, where he can't reach it without struggle. "I hope you learn to grow up, Joey." And with a snick of closing door jamb she's gone.

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